Thursday, September 23, 2010
Like I said in the earlier post, I had complications after having Breelynn, and I made the decision to make it 'public' and tell my story in hope to maybe help someone else that may go through the same thing, or so I don't have to keep telling the story(over and over-reliving it makes me cringe/cry). Breelynn will one day read this story and know what I went through and how special she is to me.
4 hours after having Breelynn I started to bleed uncontrollably. My blood started to clot in grapefruit sizes and they couldn't figure where the bleeding was coming from. To put it bluntly.
I knew something wasn't right after I had set in the hospital bed and felt myself passing 'large' clots. I asked the nurse to come in and help me to the bathroom and that's when everything started...as soon as I stood up I could feel the clots start coming out. Once I got the bathroom the grapefruit size clots continued. The nurse started pushing on my belly and things just got worse from there. I started to panic at this point and asked the nurse if this was normal and if I was going to be okay! She looked at me at one point and says, "Ok, I am going to be honest with you, this isn't normal, but we are going to figure this out."
Yea- I started to shake and freak out at this point. They put me back on the bed called in more nurses and the Doctor(which mine came in on Friday night, she wasn't even on call, thank God-as soon as I saw her I started to cry and thanked her for coming in on her weekend off) and started to work on me, trying to find the source of the bleeding.
I never stopped shaking (uncontrollably) for the 2 hours they searched for the source of bleeding. I basically had my inside searched and cervix turned over! At this point I had lost so much blood that I could feel myself getting weak.
They thought maybe it could have been some of the placenta left inside, but they couldn't find anything. Then they thought my cervix could have torn, but once they check it over and over, finding nothing. Then they started talking about taking me into the O.R. and I basically lost it, begging them not too! I actually said, "Please don't take me to the OR!!!"
The Doctor said the blood had to atleast slow down, so they gave me medicine in a very uncomfortable place to help slow the bleeding. It seems to work after 2 hours, but they wanted me to watch me closely because I had lost so much blood. If my blood count didn't come back up( was at a 7-normal people count is at 13), they wanted to do a blood transfusion. Ofcourse, I didn't want a transfusion! Are you kidding me!?!?! So they placed me on iron pills(which I am still on), gave me more meds to stop the bleeding, and watched/woke me up every 3 hours all night and the next day. I should of been able to go home on Saturday, but they didn't want me to go home quiet yet because all my counts where still low and I wasn't still feeling like myself yet.
After all night of bleeding I only passed a few more clots that were golf ball size-which is normal and I should have done in the first place.
They never actually figured out, for sure, what caused all the bleeding, but they had an idea.
I was really only in active labor for 3 hours and pushed Breelynn out so fast that my body wasn't able to discard all the blood it needed too, so it started to clot on my cervix. I got my last dose of my epidural so late, so I couldn't move or walk for a longer period of time after the delivery. Making all the blood to clot.
I am still not myself...I can still feel the side-effects of all the blood loss and they have me on a bunch of medicine(still-ugh) to help rebuild my blood count and help heal everything 'down there' because with them working on me, made my healing process a little(a lot) harder!
I will say, I have had nightmares about the whole thing and still can't get the images of all the blood out of my head. I just never thought something like this would happen to me and honestly I kept telling Ben if something happened to me, take care of my girls. I was scared shitless!
I hope this wasn't to graphic, but I did want people to know what happened and know that even in a situation where you think the worst, trust in your caretakers and in the Lord that everything will be okay. I will say I kept asking, out loud, for God to please take care of me and watch over me through everything. He did and I am grateful. Thank you to Ben who stayed by my side-even though he can't stand blood and all that 'gross' stuff. He was strong for me when I was weak. He kept looking in my eyes, telling me everything was going to be alright.
I just can't stop straying at her! My World is complete!
She likes to hold her like the adults do up on her shoulder.
This is how she sat with her for 10 minutes, just holding her head like this.
The day we left the hospital...
Mommy looking at her beautiful baby girl!
Trying to cry...which didn't last long. She barely cried the first few days of her life.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
I did manage to hang up the wooden letters that I got made and the shelves I found at a local antique store(3 of them for $14 bucks-steal!). The little round end table was also found at another antique store for $40. I am reusing the lamp from Blakely's baby room-I still need to dress it up with something, either pompoms or ric-rac. The little silver bowl on the shelf was also find at the antique store for $8...all I had to do was polish it up and it became the perfect place to put her q-tips in! And that's her diaper bag all packed and ready to go to the hospital with us!
We decided we wanted to keep her room very simple and chic. I wanted very simple bedding, curtains, colors, etc. The only 'wow' factor we wanted was one wall of wallpaper. So
we decided to splurge on some nicer wallpaper that would be easy to put up and easy to come off!(which is totally worth it-this stuff is so cool! All we had to do is place it in water-no glues, sprays, nothing and place it up on the wall! And when we are tired of looking at it, it simply peels off the wall! None of that circle thing to 'cut' the wallpaper, no steaming it, no spraying it down! I tested it out with some extra paper we had! Totally works!)
The curtains are hand me downs from my Sister-in-Law(thanks Whit) and added that other color I wanted for the room. The bedding is from Pottery Barn Kids. It has a light pink scalloped edge.
We placed the crib on the wall with the windows because I saw it in a magazine and thought it framed the crib nicely when everything else being so simple.
All the furniture was also Blakely's, so we didn't have to buy any furniture!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I know that she is excited about learning though...she keeps saying she is going to learn how to write her name. Which she will...and lots of other things too!